Cheese anyone?

I saw this photo and thought; did you meet people like this cat? Always wanting to be on the other side of that door, no matter which side they are on? They always want whatever is there on the other side, out of reach, out of grasp or out of control. It must be better working in a different place, living in an another house, driving a different car, having a different family, etc…..Whatever is behind that door, I want and I will try and get

The culture of many choices doesn’t help either, as I do the shopping, I find that there are more than 60 different types of cheese! I later learn that there are actually 500 types of cheese recognized by the International Dairy Federation. Come on, it is just CHEESE!

So sometimes we approach life and relations in the same way as shopping for the best cheese, if it is not this one, it might be another and surely with all these different varieties, I must find the one I like!  If we look at relations as consumers rather than individuals, we then want the ‘best cut’, ‘the front of the shelf’, ‘the long expiry date’ and we may also ask to ‘speak to the manager’ if we are not satisfied with the product. However, I know that the heart that God gave us was to help, love, support and befriend, rather than to consume and just consume.

I love you just the way you are ...... hmmm

You know the advice 'just be yourself' and then someone adds; 'but not too much'!

What does it mean to be 'yourself'? What if being yourself is to be grumpy, angry and vindictive? What if in being yourself, you are losing people’s love, attention and care? What then?

I guess the idea is not to pretend to be someone you are not. There are so many catch phrases at the moment promoted by all the self-help books and they go like this:

-        Discover the inner you

-        Release your potential

-        Live life as your true self

-        Understanding ‘you’

…and so many others that keep going on and on about rediscovering and reinventing ourselves.

So the question is, what happen after you discover this ‘inner you’ or after ‘reinventing yourself’? Are people suffering around you? Are they paying the price for your new discovery?

In our journeys to self-discovery, releasing our potentials, self- examinations etc, we forget sometimes that there are people around us who love us and care for us. Our quest to rediscover ourselves engulfs us in a selfish journey to focus on the self and forget all others.

In our new found love to live life as ‘ourselves’, we still need to be mindful of people’s feelings and not to hurt or offend just simply by claiming that:

                        Hey….I am being myself !

Reading between the….. lies!

Reading people’s CVs, personal ads, profiles and even obituaries is fascinating. They all read a happy, well balanced and amazing picture of harmony and maturity. From a ‘people person’ to ‘team player’ and from ‘outgoing, fun loving and loyal’ to ‘great parent and friend’. These are not lies and are not exaggerations, this is the way WE see ourselves, or the way we WANT to see ourselves.

I don’t think you will ever find a CV that says, ‘ I am a nightmare to work with’ or ‘I can only work when people listen to every word I say’. Personal ads is another one, no one will say that they are ‘indecisive, immature and got a lot of issues around commitments’! Instead, they like to see themselves as ‘easy going’, ‘a child at heart’ and ‘will only settle when I find my dream match’!

The good thing is that when God created us, he saw it was GOOD….all of it. With every part that we may not like or people might find it difficult to cope with, HE still finds us GOOD and longs for a relationship that last with us, just as we are, no pretends and no lies.

Join us upstairs, down here!

This is a real photo on the London Underground station in East London. I couldn’t resist taking a photo. But thinking about it, so many things take place around us with some very contradicting messages.

Listen to the parent who tells the kids off to ‘encourage’ them, to those who hurt you because they love you. Look at the army that is supposed to protect you but aims at you and kill you for the sake of what is called ‘stability’. See the government that says ‘we are on the side of the poor’ but reduce their jobs, their education and their chance of a better life. Some who declare their hate to others under the umbrella of 'show compassion to those who are different from you'. The group of 'I want to kill you to show you what is the right way to go'.

Who are we deceiving? This photo is honest, if you go ‘downstairs’ you will get the overground trains. In life we need to call things by their own names otherwise we will never change anything. If we are running around looking for ‘excuses’ to certain actions, we will never move forward. That happens in relations, in societies and across the whole world.

The photo is confusing because the words don't follow what you expect. The same in every other situation, If I say I care about you, then I my actions needs to show that. If I want to show you how wonderful my way of life is, I need to show you lovingly and not by force. If I say that I want 'stability' then declaring war is not the right way to go about it. 

So, would you like to join me 'upstairs, down here' to correct the contradictions in our lives? 

Give me a sign

On my way to work, I wanted to try a short cut suggested to me by colleagues to cut my driving time. So, I tried and instead of reducing my journey, I got lost!

'Not a big deal' I told myself, as it is a lovely countryside and so I kept driving to the next sign post to get direction. I drove for about 6 min, but it felt like a life time, then I saw a SIGN. Old, dirty and battered sign, but a sign none the less. I was so pleased and relieved.

Driving along this beautiful road without any signs to show me the way, was not comfortable at all. I enjoyed the beautiful autumn drive but I didn't like not knowing my exact location even for a short time. This is the same in every situation and in dealing with people around us. We have a need to know where we stand and where we are going. In the same way we are 'signs' to others whether we like it or not. When we see people we see 'Happy', 'Negative', 'Comlaining', 'Greatful' etc. Think of people you meet for the first time and after only 10 second you think to yourself "seem like a good person" or " she looked sad", "he is nasty", etc. Other people do the same about me and you as well. So, what sign are you giving out? and what do people see in you that is different?

So, when you hear of people praying "Give me a sign", you could be that sign....use the opportunity well.

A go on the slide anyone?

Some things could be so much fun but you need to see where
it all leads.
Could be all as innocent as going on the slide (just like this little boy) but sure it will end in tears (or shredded body parts).

Things can sometimes 'slide' out of control, we cant stop it. We say the wrong thing, we make the wrong turn or decision. We stay so determined that we are right and the other is wrong and we loose it all at the end. We let things "slide" out of control and out of our hands. Relationship deteriorate for not wanting to back down when we still can and then we suffer the consequences. We say an unkind thing, we make bad comments, we sneer at a friend, we enjoy some gossip, the list is endless.
 And yet, in every situation, there is always a window where we can go back and save the relationship, the job, the situation etc. There is always a point of "return" (comes before the point of "no return"), once we pass this, then it is too late to save the situation and we have to suffer the consequences.

So ...do you know when to stop?

Wish you were 'THERE'

You know the deal, you go on holiday, you are having a great time and you pick up few post cards and send them to a select group of people with the words “wish you were here”. But why do we do that? While running around on holiday enjoying yourself, you think of those who could have made it even better and more enjoyable. You imagine the good times that you could have with someone who is not actually there in this lovely holiday spot and wish they could be there to share this time with you.

So what do we miss? We miss the fun times, the laughs, the jokes, the silly faces and the kind words. We remember how late we stayed out or how much fun we had with someone. Although we remember the bad things, we do not miss it. I never heard someone says: ‘I miss going to get treatment for my teeth’, or ‘I miss the shouting I used to get from my nasty teacher’. We remember it all, but we do not miss the ugly things. As we pass through each other’s lives, we will leave lots of memories, good and bad, but for people to miss us, it will be the good things they have to miss. So, do not work hard to leave bitter taste in people’s mouths by leaving them with bad memories otherwise you will get a card that says

Wish you were ‘there’…away from me!

All I want for Christmas is ...... nothing!

As the search for the right present intensifies, there are more unusual gift ideas online to come to the rescue of those of us who are struggling. But, here is an idea that really made me smile. You know those people who say "I do not want anything for Christmas this year" and you really never sure what to get for them, here it is, their wish of "nothing". The grantee on the site (gettingpersonal.com) is that:
This gift is guaranteed to do absolutely nothing. If something happens, return for a full refund.
There is only one more thing to say, they charge you 3.95 for the gift of nothing! Genius.

to facebook or not to facebook...that is the question

One of those nights where because of insomnia, I am sitting to write after all else failed to help me sleep.
Now when it comes to keeping up to date with technology to help keep in touch, I feel I am doing ok, except for one thing that is facebook! It seems now that everyone and I mean everyone is on facebook and the number of invitations I got to add people (even though I am not on facebook) is really big. apparently, people do not call anymore and emails seems too slow, even facebook will soon be not cool enough as twitter is taking over. So far I have resisted joining face book, but I feel it will not be for long. I still do not have faith in facebook but time will tell.

Old letter...same reality

Few days ago, I was going through some of my old cards and letters. I found this old letter from 2 of my friends which they sent me in the first term of going to university. We were in the same school, studied together and they went to university to study medicine and I went off to do dentistry. The letter was 6 A4 sheets (front and back) and it was all written in a poem style apart form the first part which included names and info about different people, teachers, lecturer, etc that were going to be mentioned later in the letter. It was hilarious to read then and when I sat and read it again it still is. All through the letter they explained about their frustration about the system and the different attitude in university life in comparison to being in school. How that success was not anymore dependant on your studying and more on how on board you were with students life and connections. Difficult tutors and problematic lecturers. That was a long time ago now but the experiences is still the same for many students I deal with on a daily basis. My friends now got their PhD and I did too, and it seems that we were not put off by the first change that we all encountered in the first few months of university life. We now miss being students and think back of these days and remember all the good times and the fun we all had. After reading the letter I thought I must get in touch with my friends again before our kids make the same learning choices and end up writing to us with similar letters!

My Book

I got some information that my PhD thesis will be in the London University library now and available for people to have a look at and have for loans etc. I could not help thinking about what happened in Friends sitcom and I sincerely hope that this will not be the case for my book. Anyway, here it is.....Ross going mad about his book, so funny, enjoy.

School Photo time

Yesterday, for a special time together, me and my daughter went through my old school photos! Of course part of the fun was the whole "strange" idea that i was once at school, wearing a uniform, or a silly hat (as in the photo). But on a serious note it was really nice to see and go through lots of memories and try (very hard sometimes) to remember people’s names. My mother used to say we should write people’s names on the back of photos and put the date on and I used to laugh and think there is no way I will forget these friends, but as time goes on memory start to fade and putting names and dates on photos become a very good advice indeed.

It made me think and I got on the email and I sent a “hello” to all my school friends that still in touch. Somehow, old friends have a very special place in one’s heart and no matter what happen we can always pick up where we left off. The trick is not to spend all the time remembering the good old days but to think about the here and now as well.

God is showing Himself to us though the love of our friends.

It is never too late

As my friends get ready to leave the UK for their new life in Australia (this is not them in the photo!), I remembered this story of the 102 years old war veteran who decided to leave the UK to go to New Zealand . I was touched by the story and loved what he said about his move. He said: "What's important is that when I'm 105 I don't want to be thinking, 'I wish I had moved to the other side of the world when I was 102'."

There was also some other news about another man who is - you guessed- 102 years old who has been granted a 25-year mortgage. It seems that 102 is the golden age. Few more years to go yet!

No “good byes”, just “see you soon”

Two of my best friends are immigrating to Australia, a decision that left me so emotional and very upset. After I stopped crying, I decided to write about it here. I know it is just purely selfish on my side. I know that for my friends and their family it is the right move and I am sure that God will use them and bless them in Australia as much as He did over here and more. However, it does not make it any easier saying good bye. I thought there must be a law whereby you can stop your friends from taking such a decision! Our lives is shaped by the people around us and those who are close to us and so I feel part of me will be down under (I would not mind the sun shine over there). It is very sad to say good bye but it should not be, it should be “see you soon” instead. Nothing like having a cup of tea with a friend, a good chat, a shopping trip or a holiday together, however, we thank God for all the new technology that allow us to keep in touch so “No excuse”!
I thank God for all my friends and family, near and far, may the Lord bless you all.